Dinner with the family:

Ok, so, you have accepted a Thanksgiving dinner invite from your family that will probably extend to an over-nighter, or if you are really unlucky, the entire weekend. You will meet up with family, which would be great for a few hours, but will drag out to a lot more than that with not much to talk about right? Of course! Also, it will include a family member or two that you have successfully avoided every day this year until this date. But, you have to say yes because mom or dad insists on everyone making nice for 1 day a year, maybe 2 at Christmas time.

The Freak-Outs:

1. Old wounds that never heal. You'd think that bitch of a sibling or his/her spouse could do the right thing and make amends after all these years eh? Nope, not gonna happen. The fact that you will be in the same room with them and they refuse to take the opportunity to apologize for this or that makes it even worse doesn't it. Yep, it does. Smug asshole is just going to sit there and pretend nothing happened isn't he. Probably will do or say the same thing that bugged you in the first place. The sound of his (or her) voice is just going to irritate you even more.

I suggest find a zone you can stake out where you can get away. Perhaps a room you are going to sleep in, or spray your scent on a sofa so that the objectionable person knows that's your territory.  Go outside and take a walk. Do something other than passively-aggressively getting even. In fact, have an escape plan. Drive your own car, don't ride-share because the other person won't agree with your decision to pack your stuff and burn the hell out of there if you can't take another minute. Keep a go-bag ready at all times. Warn your hosts beforehand if you suddenly disappear, it's because you were gonna choke-a-bitch, and decided it was better to leave before 911 was involved.

2. How to talk to your racist, bigoted, sexist, homophobic, Islamophobic father/mother. Ah yes. Activists never take the day off do they? Every year colleges release "help guides" for students to broach the fun subjects of religion and politics at the dinner table and straighten out those old coots once and for all. I guess 2 years of college is enough time to start explaining the world to everyone isn't it? It's also a great way to get thrown out of a house you don't own with the turkey baster up your ass. So, if you are dumb enough to bring up Hillary Clinton and how she got the popular vote but lost--don't. And if the t.v. gets turned to a "news" channel either bashing or praising Trump, someone better click it off, or have it blocked on the remote control beforehand.  And if you are hosting, you better put a sign on the door that says, "Leave your religious and political opinions in your car before you come in."

3. Body chemistry out of whack!  You will be given every bit of mood-altering drink imaginable, and you are expected not to freak out? That hardly seems fair. Coffee? Sure! Wine? Sure! Coca-Cola with dinner? Why not! After dinner coffee? A few beers to watch the game? Of course! Yeah, it's the holidays, I'll drink everything handed to me! How about some fudge, cookies, ice cream as a snack while you watch you team get their ass kicked? NOW, you have annoying in-laws, dogs peeing all of the place, sugar, caffeine to make you hypersensitive and irritable, and alcohol to loosen your tongue, probably tired, and now the stupid quarterback takes a sack and someone in the room is happy about it? You have nowhere to get away from the noise and irritations that are now on surface level. And not only that, but everyone around you is filled to the gills with the same stuff = disaster.

4. Stay busy! So that people don't bring up old business you thought died a natural death, or an embarrassing story you don't want to hear for the 100th time, you should bring or host LOTS of things to do so people are busy with other things. Karaoke machine, board games, toys and books for the kids, Wi-Fi accessibility, touch football game in which 1/2 the people stiff arm and get too rough, games on the computer, a basketball to challenge someone in a shooting game, frisbee, a family lottery with gifts etc. For God's sake, don't let people sit around and annoy each other, give them lots of choices and distractions!

5. You wanna go home, but can't. Your whole life you have made your bed with the perfect pillows, blankets and now you are sleeping on the floor with moldyish linens obviously pulled from the basement storage locker. You can't use the toilet because you'll wake everyone up, you can't get a snack because it's not your house, and you can't just do your own thing because you're expected to be sociable. Irritation rising. I suggest you bring a book to read and pace yourself. Hang out at breakfast, chat with this or that person, then find something new to do every 2 hours. Shoulda brought your favorite pillow, otherwise you wouldn't have that crick in your neck, and shoulda brought a few boxes of snacks to get you through the night.

No one hates like family. What? You thought you were the only one who had members of your family that are reprobates? Nah, everyone has at least one. So-and-so is the family embarrassment who is a jobless opium /drug/ alcohol addict, that surfs the internet all day. Sister-in-law is a snotty bitch. Uncle so-and-so doesn't even care you're alive. Don't look for opportunities in which years of hostility will be wiped away clean, that only happens in movies. Don't expect mom and dad to suddenly give you a check for college they never helped pay for. Don't expect anyone to "keep in touch" after they all go home. No one says your kids are cute if you have any.

Keep your expectations reasonable. If you had at least some fun this Thanksgiving, didn't feel the need to punch anyone in the back of the head, and left on good or better terms, be DARN lucky that was the outcome. Over-prepare before you visit or host anyone, and you might survive it well enough in which people would actually come back 365 days later.

~Good luck!